Things That Make Me Vomit

Those of you who know me well know that I have an extremely weak stomach and a very sensitive gag reflex to disgusting situations. The following is a list of things that have or will make me vomit:

1.  Loogies. If I see a loogie abandoned on the street, if I see someone spit a loogie in front of me or if someone holds me down and pretends that they are going to spit a loogie in my face.  Once I hear that hocking noise, I am a goner and I will instantly throw up.

2. Dog poop.  There have been at least three times when I have had to not only pick up my dog's poo but I have also had to clean up my own vomit from gagging at the sight and smell of dog poop.

3. A Hair in my food.  You know what is worst than finding a long black hair (or ugh a short twisty black hair) in your food?  Explaining to the waiter that you need something to clean up your own vomit on top of said food.

4. Human feces all over the toilet seat, wall, and sink.  This one goes out to Jason Wooden who knowing how weak my stomach is thought it would be hilarious to "show me something".  What he showed me was the after effects of a 70 year old drunk man with explosive diarrhea.  I can still hear Jason's malevolent laughter trailing behind me as I raced down the hall in that Japanese poop hostel to find another bathroom in order to vomit.

5. Watching old people eat or little babies eat.  I know this one is sort of cruel, but bleh.

6. Being trapped with a really stinky fart.  This actually happened last night after returning home from a late night.  Lying in bed, I was convinced that the person lying next me had died a week ago as that could be the only cause of such a putrid stench.  There is nothing like projective vomiting at 4:00AM because of man-gas.

7. Butt Chugs.  Most of you are not lucky enough to have had the opportunity to witness a butt chug as you are not members of the elitist international running club that I am part of.  One of the optional activities in one charter of this club is to drink a beer that is being dripped off someone else's butt crack.  Yes, I know this is vile and thinking of it is making me gag in this chair. I myself have never agreed to do this act, but I have seen so many...and there are some things that cannot be unseen.... Oh god.  Hold on, I will be right back.

3 minutes later after ridding myself of my breakfast, orally, I have returned to finish this blog.

8. Kissing someone who has eaten raw onions.  Nothing says romance more like gagging and dry heaving during what is supposed to be a moment.

9. Seeing or hearing other people vomit.  If the other vomiter also suffers from this empathetic vomiting, this cycle could go on for quite awhile.  I am reminded of the time, my darling little baby cousin got car sick on HWY 17 on our way to Santa Cruz.  She vomited in a left over food container, then I vomited into the food container, then my aunt nearly crashed the car to pull over to kick us out of the car and we both vomited together laughing at the weirdness of the situation between spews.

10. Milk.

11. Bali.

12. Hangovers.

13.Stress.

14. Laughing Too Hard.

15. Crying Too Hard.

16. Fear.

17. Over exerting myself.

18. Turbulence while Flying.

19. Rollerskating.

20. Peeps.

21. The mix of some people's shampoo and perfume.

22. Being in the bathroom with someone while they poop. 

23. The smell on the flight from Dubai to Saudi.

24. When someone doesn't use food storage containers in their fridge and/or when there is moldy food in food storage containers in the fridge.

25. Thinking about how time travel works.

26. That one time Joanie's brother ate tuna out of a can.

27. The one time I ate a handful of Mike and Ikes candy and it was covered in ants.

28. The one time I accidentally used someone else's used toilet paper because I didn't understand that in some cultures they stack in nicely on the floor instead of flushing it.  (In my defense, I was slightly intoxicated, really had to go,  and there was no TP)

29. Meth mouth.

30. Dead Things.

* Honorable Mention goes out to the hash trail that went through 2KM of pig poo river where there were dad cats floating every hundred or so feet.