I have officially been a resident of Colorado for two months now. After living abroad for the majority of the past 5 years and traveling as much as possible in Asia and Europe during this time, one would think that moving to Colorado would be the easiest of my travels and that my return to the United States would be an effortless return to normalcy. However, I am finding that coming back to the US full-time, moving to a state you have never been to and picked because you read somewhere that it was a good place to live, is a lot more difficult an adjustment than moving to Asia or the middle east. A lot has changed in the past few years and I am pretty much estranged in my own country now.
1. Hipsters. I have known about their existence for years thanks to the power of the internet. However, moving to a town where this sub-culture is the majority is a bit disconcerting. I walk the streets of Fort Collins, gazing upon a plethora of different mustaches perfectly set in place with what I am assuming is wax bought at an all organic, free-trade mustachery. Every restaurant, even the fine dining establishments, serves PBR, and the fashion of wearing the tightest high-water pants possible and a man bun of the coif is la mode here for the men-folk.
2. Craft Beer: Beyond its love for PBR everywhere, Colorado also loves its craft beer. Here in Fort Collins, I have visited New Belgium, O'Dells, Funkwerks, Coppersmith, Black-Bottle, and Horse and Dragon and that is just skimming the surface of the amount of craft breweries here. Beer tasting has become in a social class similar to wine tasting. People stir it, sniff it, and make remarks about its aroma, flavor, mouth-feel etc.. I am not personally into beer very much (which admitting in this town is like admitting I have VD), but I do enjoy that since every place has beer tasting samplers. I can get a 4oz beer and sip on it for an hour while my husband merrily consumes beer after beer.
3. Marijuana is Legal. One of the most shocking revelations in moving back to the US is that marijuana is legal in some states and that one is able to purchase it in a store. Moving back from a country where one could be beheaded for possessing marijuana, we felt it was our right as Colorado residents to check out one of these Cannabis Dispensaries. Additionally, my husband suffers from arthritis and I suffer from my own personality, so we figured trying this legalized substance might be good for our health. I was so nervous entering the dispensary as it just felt so wrong--seeing as for my entire life marijuana has been regarded as an illegal drug and usually sold by some creepy middle-aged guy who rides a 22 inch bike and lives in his mom's basement. The dispensary was a very nice building. It was set up like a dentist office with bright lighting and nice couches to sit upon. Your ID is taken by a well-dressed and hygienically sound person who then calls your name a few minutes later and you are escorted to a different room. Once in this other room, a sales associate and expert of cannabis asks you a bunch of questions about what you would like. If you are me, you giggle nervously because you still feel like you are doing something illegal. If you are my husband, you look at the person and blurt out honestly, "we have no idea what we are doing!". Then after ten minutes of looking at everything pretending you know what the words they are saying mean, you decide to get the cannabis sour-gummies (yes, you can buy flower, candy, oils, pre-rolled joints, and who knows what else). The gummies, you think, in theory are not going to be as illegal feeling because they are candy and you convince yourself that they will not be as potent because they are cute. However, hours later you find yourself unable to speak, trapped under the IKEA bed you are trying to build because you have lost all motor function. You end up having to lie in your bed under the covers eating popcorn, petting your dog's ears for two hours because they feel like bunny tails, just wishing this horrible ride on the marijuana train would be over. The moral of this story, kids, is that even if it is legal, that doesn't mean it is for everyone.
4. Macaroni and Cheese. Why is everyone in Fort Collins so obsessed with Macaroni in Cheese? Is this a hipster thing? Is this a Colorado thing? Is this a national fad? What is happening? Every single restaurant has some sort of gourmet macaroni and cheese or five different types of macaroni and cheese--bacon mac n cheese, sriracha pork belly mac n cheese, jalapeno chocolate mac and cheese and on and on. There are even macaroni and cheese food trucks that sit outside of the breweries so you can get your macaroni and cheese fix as you make notes of how floral and nutty your beer is. I have seen three piles of vomit since I have been here and two out of three times the vomit has been macaroni and cheese. Why are you eating and puking up all of this macaroni and cheese Colorado?
5. Dog Poop and Vomit. For a state and city that prides itself environmental conservation, there is an excessive amount of dog poop and vomit. The dog parks and trails are the nicest I have ever seen and there are poopy bag and trash stations everywhere, which is really quite lovely. Yet, there is a lot of dog poo on the sides of the sidewalks and on any grassy area. At the dog park, after my dog does her business, when I go to pick it up there are typically so many piles, I have no idea which one is hers. I just randomly select one and feel that I have done my civic duty. Dog poop is toxic, carries tons of diseases, and it is gross and yet here it just hangs out on the street waiting to be admired.
The other odd anomaly is the all of the mysterious vomit.... We came home at 5pm one day to find that someone had vomited on the railing of our stairs to our apartment on the third floor. It spread out to the floors below covering all three flights of stairs with vomit where it stayed until I contacted the property manager. Last night, at 10pm when taking the dog on a walk along Mason Trail I came across the largest pile of vomit (mac and cheese vomit to boot) in the history of all vomit.
I would like to state that Colorado is still gorgeous even with a few piles of excrement* and mystery puke.
One of the comments on post states that what I am seeing is not dog poop, but actually geese poop. Wrong. What I am talking about is straight up dog doody--but the geese poop is rather impressive.
6. Bicycles: People love riding bikes here which is awesome.In fact, a lot of people here in Fort Collins do not even own a car. It is flat here and there are more bike paths then you can count. There are brewery bike trails, mountain bike trails, special routes on the street for biking short-cuts and on and on! It is also nearly impossible to buy a used bike for cheap here. Since bikes are treasures here, people sell them as so. You can buy a 20 years old rusted bike here for $200 or you can buy a brand new huffy with a drink holder and a basket at Walmart for $100. And since hipsters don't shop at Walmart, the inventory is quite extensive. I have not yet decided if I will assimilate into my new culture and buy a used bike or get that really fun piece of junk bike at Walmart with the parrot bell and the neon-pink fender.
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Despite my inability to understand the above aspects of Colorado, I am loving it here. You can always tell you are in a good place when people who live there love it so much they constantly tell you how great it is. Also, people here wear clothing that represent the state. Denver Bronco clothing is worn by every generation and you can buy it at nearly every store you go into. Red, White, Blue hats and beanies with a big yellow C that resemble the Colorado flag are part of the local uniform.
It is a place where you can talk to anyone walking on the same trail as you, or sitting next to you at bar or restaurant, or shopping for camping equipment at one of the many outdoor retail stores. The few people I have met and had the opportunity to hang out with here are genuinely good people who are generous and have a great love for the outdoors and the history of this town and the state. Perhaps your maintenance man might smell so strongly of marijuana that when he fixes your light-bulbs your apartment smells like your college dorm for an entire day, and you have suffered elder abuse from millennials at least three times because you accidentally said something "labely", and people here legitimately believe in Bigfoot, but I believe that the combination of the quirks of Colorado is what does make it so magical.
